BART, Americans, and Attitudes, vs The East

This is what the best BART station looks like.

Yesterday I had my only trip on American public transportation in recent memory and it was even more disappointing than I expected. I love trains, I love cities built around trains, I love being able to go places without having to lug around a huge metal box, but now that I’ve bothered paying attention to it, Bay Area Rapid Transit does not run a metro. It’s not a heavy rail system. It’s not even a light rail system. It will never be a heavy or a light rail system. Comparing my experience riding BART to the one riding Hong Kong’s Mass Transit Railway and it became instantly obvious that BART is just a glorified parking lot shuttle that just happens to run on the rubberless kind of wheels.

But this isn’t only the BART’s fault. Even if by some hand of god all the people in the administration on down were removed and replaced with perfect candidates to fill every conceivable need, including the contracted union construction workers who are the mafia in all but name and the Department of Transportation guys who are all bought out, BART would still be garbage – because it doesn’t go anywhere by itself. If your destination is Oakland, Berkeley, or San Francisco, fine. If you’re going anywhere else, you take BART, you get off at your final station and then what?

Walk the rest of the way?

BART… and I’m back in a parking lot.

“But the population density is too low! We’re not crowded like Hong Kong!” is the common response and until now I grudingly accepted it as the truth, the reason why everything is shitty. If only we had more people in the San Francisco Bay Area, if only more people wanted to come to Silicon Valley, home to the most valuable companies in the world, everything would be fixed!

Then I realized that it’s exactly backwards. Low density isn’t the reason for lack of results, low density is itself the intended result – among a bunch of other intended results. Sure, the people want a fast high quality public transportation system. They probably want it to be free too. But god have mercy if it comes at the cost of their backyard, or if it causes buildings with more than 3 stories to pop up anywhere before the horizon. If someone really wants something they know they can’t have everything and can usually come to some sort of compromise. But the public, uneducated on little and sold on everything, compromises for nothing. So, as a result, we pay a few billion dollars every few years to keep it afloat, and otherwise keep it out of sight out of mind, ignoring that the system was outdated when it was introduced almost half a century ago, and with all the money poured into it has essentially never updated since.

Everyone who’s gotten to highschool has this figured out, even if they only believe it’s true of people they disagree with. This is all fairly common knowledge:

The people will accept politicians being stupid and wasting billions of dollars on pork barrel projects, so long as the people get to sit comfortably in their sofas at home calling politicians stupid for wasting billions of dollars on pork barrel projects.

Now what’s not common knowledge is that it’s wrong – specifically, it’s not “the people”. It’s not a function of homo sapiens, it’s somewhat a function of masses and democracy, but there’s something more accurate we can say, that no one will ever say:

The American people will accept politicians being stupid and wasting billions of dollars on pork barrel projects, so long as the American people get to sit comfortably in their sofas at home calling politicians stupid for wasting billions of dollars on pork barrel projects.

BART sucks because Americans suck.

I don’t mean this in the ‘you allow people in power to screw you!!!’ sense; democracy is a sham, and it’s unreasonable to say that unorganized masses are “allowing” organized interests to do whatever they want. I mean this in the sense that the American pasttime of schadenfreude against their political leaders is an attitude they take everywhere. There are the big problems which, fairly, only a very select few with power can do anything about this moment. Then there’s ten thousand little ones which everyone can do something about. Things which add up and eventually make the world a better place.

Things which Americans won’t do, and will defend to the death not only are they right in not doing it, but that you’re wrong and weak in wanting it done to begin with. It’s not important if you’re actually wrong or weak. It’s not important if they’re wrong either.

What’s important is they get to call you the names, and being comfortable while doing it.


This is what one of my rides on BART looked like. I don’t have pictures of the other ride, but there were a bunch of really dirty people “teens” in really dirty clothes each taking up a whole bench, and empty boxes and bottles here and there.

I suddenly don’t like software engineers.

Two doors per side per car, seats are arranged front/back except for doors, which have one side-bench per. Not shown in picture is the map of the system, which is either once per side or once per car.

This is what an older MTR car looks like.

Some of them have TVs mounted on top of the central bars too. 2 per car.

4 doors per side, all seats are arranged as sides, no padding, bunch of things to hold onto.

All these differences aren’t so important. Lower density system, you can afford put in wider comfier seats. Comfy is good. Makes sense. What is important is that BART had a paper printout of the system occurring 1 or 2 times per car, while MTR had 8 of these:


Does Silicon Valley not have that because of lower population density too? We can’t scrounge up enough money because lower ridership, and who cares it’s just an unnecessarily fancy display that only has one purpose anyways?

How about the audio announcement then? I could never make out what the operator was saying on BART, partly because half the time riding BART is louder than flying turboprop, but also because the PA system was trash and the operator didn’t enunciate. MTR I could hear everything just fine, even if I had to wait for the English version of it. It was also all prerecorded. I guess the population density isn’t high enough to justify prerecording. It isn’t high enough to justify the operator saying the name of the station before the train arrives either. Or sometimes, saying the name of the station at all!

Man low population density causes a lot of problems.

This was at the Kam Sheung Road MTR station, effectively about as backwater as you can get in Hong Kong. It is on the inside door of the restroom. The restroom at the time had the janitor chilling in his utility closet; in Hong Kong public areas in general you can often see janitors and other custodials doing their work.

Oh, thanks for reminding me.

I’d show you a picture of what the inside door of a restroom in a BART station looks like, but there are no restrooms in BART. Apparently though the janitors which I’ve never seen and which think trash littered cars are fine are paid 270k a year (USD not HKD). Because they deserve a living wage. Or something. Overworked understaffed? Maybe throw a little bit of higher cost of living in there too.

Now, on the BART website, they claim certain stations actually do have bathrooms. Supposing they bathrooms do physically exist in the stations as they say, they don’t fit the definition of public. What kind of restroom is it if a member of the public who wants to use it can’t find it?

Someone who alighted at my station on a train before mine asked where the exit was. I can’t blame him, because this is what an aboveground BART deck looks like:

The far side actually does have its exit in-frame.

This is what the Tin Shui Wai deck looks like. I specify because they’re all obviously visibly different in some way. If you memorize the colors on the walls or pillars, you can tell where you are in the line. BART is the same concrete wherever you go.

There is no exit in this picture.

Both of the above depicted stations have their exits below their current floor. One of them is significantly easier to find than the other. Are exits easier to find if it’s higher population density? An inch of glass is more expensive than another foot (thick!) of concrete?  I’ll admit the sign isn’t particularly helpful but that’s one error out of a hundred corrections. Why are there two decks instead of one, anyways? If someone mistakenly missed their stop and got off at the next one, one of these stations would fuck them if the return train arrived at the same time, and the other wouldn’t.

Obviously, the American one is the better one.

Am I just salty? Y I Mad Doe? No, it’s impossible that I might be right on top of that. Everyone claims debates and discussions are about truth but most people jump to pointing and laughing at the other guy the first chance they get and declare victory after that. Sorry – most Americans. Call someone salty or anti-American or any number of names and it doesn’t matter what they say anymore. Am I anti-kid if I don’t give a fat kid candy? These are the same kind of people who will recoil and put their hands up if you start calling them imbeciles, but we’ll get into that topic another time.

American attitudes toward everything is can be summarized in

  1. Fuck you got mine” and
  2. I’m/We’re the best“.

Must be because I’m not AMERICAn enough.

Who cares about the rest of the world when you have AMERICA?

To begin with the state of public transportation is mostly an afterthought because when it’s brought up it’s simply written off. Who cares about public transportation? I have a car. I can get where I want to when I want to. What, too poor to have a car? None of my business. Don’t ask me to pay taxes to fund someone else’s life. Then they’ll turn around and complain about how traffic is so bad lately and they have to get up earlier and earlier so the freeway moves at the actual speed limit rather than at 10mph.

It simply doesn’t occur to them that everyone else thinks the same thing and cars have geometries and physics which cause certain effects. It isn’t some economist rational actors model where everyone’s carefully and quantitatively measured out how much they value each thing and voila, now we have a shitty public transportation system as well as a shitty private transportation, but all of this is okay because we value detached single family homes so much. None of that goes through their head. It’s literally just “I don’t care, I don’t see a problem, why are you yelling at me? I was promised owning my own home in the American Dream! If you say I shouldn’t have one then fuck you!”

Why do aboveground BART stations have two decks instead of one?
Because if you miss your stop then it’s your fault you’re an idiot.

Why aren’t there bathrooms in BART stations, or if they exist, why can’t they be found?
Because you didn’t look hard enough, or if they don’t exist, why didn’t you just take care of business before leaving the house?

Why doesn’t BART have a clear announcement system or a display that shows where in the system you are at all times?
Because you should know which stop you’re stopping at anyways.

Why does BART allow trash on its trains?

Are you saying you saw trash and didn’t clean it up? Why aren’t you doing your part? If you did, why are you complaining? The problem got solved, didn’t it?

If you’ve heard the line “You didn’t get the job because you just weren’t passionate enough”, this is the same thing. Every systemic problem that’s brought up turns out to be the result of a lack of individual responsibility, effort, and faith – until they also happen to have a problem with it, then it’s always a call for somebody to do something, as long as it doesn’t turn out that “somebody” includes them. Not my tax money. Not my car. Not my backyard.

Or in case of BART employees, Not my job.

Hong Kong Central Library, not MTR.
I don’t want to talk about the state of American libraries.

Whose job was it to put this label up? Did it need to be put up?

Do you think he was paid more or less than 270k a year (USD not HKD)?

Considering it’s some text on laminated paper secured by tape, it was probably decided and put up by someone lower down the chain than whoever put up this other one:

This is on a pedestrian path on the side of a mountain.

These little things put life into what’s otherwise an environment that just happens to have other people in it and is just somewhere you have to be in order to get to the next place. It’s not just some path, it’s a paved path with clean railings and cleaned plates that have a contact number on them indicating someone is involved in maintaining it and they care about their work. It’s not just an elevator to the library, it’s one whose surfaces are cleaned every hour and someone decided it was important to let people know it’s clean – clearly not someone at the top but someone much further down.

Meanwhile, BART operators could care less if you heard them or if you know where you are. BART police could care less if you’re getting robbed by 50 “teens”. Or murder, which I won’t bother linking because it happens so often none of them are worth noting anymore. Everywhere you go in America you feel that people are basically just showing up for the paycheck. Nothing is improved, nothing gets better over time, and if really terrible things happen as a result of ten thousand little things not having been done and not building up to anything larger, hey, I was just collecting my check. That wasn’t in the job description. Hell if I’m going to let you add things to it. Better pay me more next year though. I have a union.

And this attitude goes all the way up.

A high-speed railway connecting Guangzhou, Shenzhen and Hong Kong, railway was brought up in the late 1990s by the Government of Hong Kong. This Regional Express Railway (RER) proposal was developed in the 1994 “Railway Development Study”(RDS); it foresaw a continual growth of Hong Kong’s population over the next two decades and strong demand for cross-border passenger traffic. The Hong Kong (SAR) Government commissioned a second Railway Development Study in March 1998. The Study went further on the British proposal of connecting Hong Kong and China from Kowloon. […] Since the typical timeframe for rail projects, from conception to completion phase, would take eight or nine years, the Railway Development Study recommended that the Hong Kong (SAR) Government should commence as soon as possible, so that the new express railway could be constructed in time to meet capacity demands.

This sort of talk of foresight seems fairly common among public planners.

Wow, 2040! They’re planning 20 years ahead!

But you look at the past 20 years and for BART it’s taken 15 years to still not completely build a single new station 5 miles away from the current terminal. They’ve been using the same train cars since the system was built in the 1970s, and the technology was outdated even back then, and they have the gall to talk about 20 years in the future.

America has the best people in the world though right? Immigration land of opportunity diversity is strength blah blah blah wow, train stations must be the hardest thing ever to build if it takes them 15 years. Maybe we should get Elon Musk to build them.

Meanwhile in China:

“But Chinese stuff always breaks and they always break regulations” Should I compare how often MTR or Shanghai trains are delayed or broken down, to how often BART trains are delayed or have murders? I’ll be the first to preach mainlanders are terrible but there’s things that are objectively better and things which are objectively worse.

“But China is communist and uses eminent domain” what’s wrong with eminent domain?

Let me repeat that: What’s wrong with eminent domain?

In broader terms and different words:

Why do cities exist, and what would an ideal city look like?

Rich peopleville.

This is the BART station in Walnut Creek. Out of all the stations, this is probably the one where most Americans would ideally want to live next to. San Francisco has rent out the nose for a tiny box, Berkeley same idea, Oakland has “teens”… This, on the other hand, is perfect. Single family homes, short distance to highway, to public transit, to shopping malls, to DMV, and if there’s parties or events in the bigger cities, there’s no need to haul a car there to find or pay ridiculous prices for parking. All you’d need to do is

I think I figured out where the creator of this tagline lives.

The problem is Walnut Creek can only be true for a very small number of people. Works fine for people who already lives there, Fuck you, got mine, doesn’t work for everyone else. And unless some Lee Kuan Yew appears, the land divisions set in that image will always remain. There will never be any development into higher density housing on the left side of the freeway because people will always hold onto their house, and if they let go they aren’t going to let go at the same time. And the city planners will never go against The Will Of The People because democracy.

But, also because of democracy, they do want to create more business and more jobs so they can make more money, which means more people will have to come from elsewhere to do the work or at least be customers and pay the bills, and they will come via… cars.  There’s only so much BART parking space, which at most stations is always full, and it’s not like it’s that close anyways once you get there. A train that’s louder than a plane, doesn’t run on time, only comes every once in a while, has trash lying around like it belongs there, and when I get there I have to see this?

Closest buildings on one side of Walnut Creek station.

I have to walk through parking lots where I as a pedestrian am clearly an afterthought? You want me to use this train, which means leaving my car, but at the destination I have to wait 10~30 minutes for a bus, there’s no taxis, no light rail no pedestrian paths with any nice scenery, all of which put me right next to with no barriers inbetween, one or two ton cars going by at 30+mph? I have to deal with this as I walk 10~30 minutes just to see how many shops? And I have to carry everything with me the whole time because coin and baggage lockers don’t exist, because it’s just expected everyone has a car?

Closest buildings on the other side.

Might as well just take my own car the whole way then.

So then we have clogged freeways. And the attitude towards this is “oh well”.

So are you going to tell city councilors off? Or is it not a journalist’s job description to do that?

The American people will accept losing extra hours of their life 250/365 days a year waiting in line to go to work, so long as they get to sit comfortably in their own little metal boxes with speaker systems tuned to their favorite radio stations playing their favorite music, and read some journalist on some website say “Ouch” about their daily experience.

The average person can’t do anything about traffic or how cities are set up. They want their own things, live their own life, and that’s about it. Having a place to live, being able to get to work, being able to shop at nice places, and being able to visit a lot of friends, without a lot of time – these are all things I think everyone wants.

In other words, these things are why cities exist.

This is the equivalent of Walnut Creek station in Hong Kong:

Station is underground. Park on roof. Lots of residential + 1 commercial building on top.

A mall of 3 floors and 123 shops awaits you the moment you step out of the paid area.

A whole grocery store without having to step outside.

I should’ve taken more pictures.

The park on top.

Ignoring the cost: How many people live in those buildings? How many people can get basically whatever they want, see the sights, go to work, without ever having to leave this complex?

One article estimates that there’s 70,000 residents, hotel guests, and office workers occupying this space: about 0.14 square kilometers.

The population of Walnut Creek in 2014 was 67,673 and its square kilometers is 51.

Imagine how much parking/road space 70,000 cars takes.

Kowloon Station/Elements/Union Square is a really nice place and I’m sure a lot of people around HK come here for various reasons. And they get there by… train. Buses are frequent, pedestrians get elevated and undeground walkways to not have to walk on sidewalks all the time, where there are sidewalks there’s rails so it feels safer, light rail connects to heavy rail, heavy rail comes so frequently they don’t print schedules, and, even though there are backwater places in Hong Kong, new developments aren’t spread out single property divisions anymore. The MTR corporation with the assistance of the Hong Kong government gets land and develops it as a single vision, Kowloon Station being the current newest and largest one completed.What we currently see wasn’t even developed all at once; the station was done 94~98, the current mall opened in 07, and the buildings on top opened in years from 00~10. But it was all done under one architect, one corporation, one government.

This isn’t the only way to do things, the Japanese do it much more organically, but in both cases there is no “NIMBYism”. The Japanese accept it when someone decides the land is worth enough to start building higher than all the surrounding buildings. The Hong Kong government opens up or claims lands and decides that certain things need to happen, and is generally effective at it. I’m sure HK and Japanese residents more informed on the details will have their valid complaints, but overall, the major desires are met for a very large number of people.

Compared to what BART did over about the same period (1997~2011):

The invisible station in the center under the highways, a parking lot north and south. Maybe a few of the apartment blocks starting with the inverted triangle? I don’t know where exactly BART-owned land begins or ends here but it doesn’t really matter. No matter how you cut it this 15 years had, to say the least, a lot less accomplished.

It’s not so much that there’s not a Kowloon Walled City v2: 2 American Boogaloo popping up near/in Silicon Valley (though it should).

It’s that there’s nothing.

You built a dinky station… and like a building or three?

Are you serious?

What have these fuckers done with 15 years of their life? Remember when you were still in diapers and daddy showed you a highway and a field and said there’d be a train station? Well now that you’ve finished highschool and college degrees are worthless, daddy can get you a job at that station! Nevermind that its floorspace is about 3 minutes long. It was really hard! Kids these days don’t understand hard work.

While doing a bit more research on dates I found this image on wikipedia. It’s the newest station, which started construction in 2009, currently in 2017 is half operational, and was supposed to open in 2014. This is what it looked like in 2014

The rails shown aren’t BART rails, they’re national freight rails.
In other words, they’re unrelated.

It took five (5) (V) (五) years to build the amount shown in the above image.

Okay whatever no use shedding tears over lost idioms. Now that it’s built, next to old NUMMI new Tesla factory. Great! Finally BART serves a purpose other than being a glorified parking lot shuttle for San Francisco. People all over SF Bay Silicon Valley can now work for Tesla and not have to drive! Saving the planet is awesome! Insert more boomer marketing taglines here. Maybe we have to drive to a BART station first, but BART… and we’re there! Just hop off the train and walk the rest of the way to work!

See that T-shape above “Tesla Delivery Center”? That’s the factory entrance.

All 2 miles of it. Pop quiz, what’s the average human walking speed?

Given that number, would you spend that amount of time walking to work? After spending the probably 10 minutes or so to drive to the station, assuming you can find parking and get on the train just as it arrives (trains are every 15 minutes during rush hour) the probably 30 minutes on the BART ride itself, after all that – would you walk the amount of time you calculated on a path that looks like this?

This is a 45mph road. It’s also half the walk. No, the other side has no sidewalk either.

“But Tesla looks good on a resume”

Yes… Tesla’s the best. If you’re really passionate about helping mother Earth, you’d do it. America’s the best, if you really treasure your freedom, you’ll put up with 60 minutes every day each way to go 20 miles, a distance which might as well be in the middle of nowhere because it’s all single family detached residential around here. Stop complaining already. Everyone else has to deal with it too. If you don’t like it why don’t you leave? I just suck it up like a real man. I’m proud of my country. I don’t like it either,

but look at me,

I don’t complain.

This attitude is why I hate Americans. “My country, right or wrong” – except worse, because it’s not about foreign vs domestic, it’s about “Fuck you, got mine“. There’s no reasoning going on, there’s no considering of alternatives, there’s no constant seeking for improvement, it’s “eh, who cares, fuck you, got mine”. American gamers say those who are better than them “have no life”, and say those who are worse than them “casuals”. Americans who are more successful than them are “lucky or “talented”, but when they taste success themselves it’s because they have “passion” and achieved it through “hard work”. It’s so prevalent everywhere it’s would almost be funny, except they get really serious when the shit hits the fan and still refuse to believe that any of this is related.

People want housing to be close to jobs and shopping. Higher population density means more people are closer to the same amount of things. Metro systems, which have guaranteed right-of-way on their rails, connect speedily and reliably even more people to the same amount of things. This speed simultaneously connects those people to more areas than before, meaning there’s more areas competing with each other, driving the price down of, among other things, rent. All of these things are objectively desirable. All of these things are required in an ideal city.

But the people don’t care. And the city planners don’t care. The public transportation workers don’t care. The public transportation leaders don’t care. No one cares, until it looks like it might be time for them to get their cut. Then it’s not in my backyard, not my job, sorry the project was more complicated than expected, it’ll cost twice as much and take three times as long, man that janitor worked really hard this year, he deserves a raise. And then it’s back to not caring. Maybe once every five years we’ll do a week’s worth of work. Maybe once every four years they’ll pay attention. And we’re the world police superpower anyways, it’s always going to be better to live here. If those slanty eyed chinks start getting uppity we’ll just nuke them. Time for a nap.

“That’s just how America works, you have to learn how to play politics”

Americans are so far up their own ass in marketing they can’t see what’s real anymore.

I say “they” because I don’t identify with any of what I described. I say “Americans” because that’s the largest and most accurate group for which I can see these traits. They appear in idiots everywhere, but in America they appear in general from bottom to top.

I also know, from bottom to top, it’s not true in Hong Kong, and from what I’ve heard it’s also not true in Japan. It’s not a “people” thing, it’s not genetic or inherent in human nature. It can be changed, it can be fixed. Hong Kong has problems with their attitude toward society, and so does Japan, but there are always imperfections, and the attitude towards that is “we will fix them“. Whatever the actual distribution, the rule of culture is to do your part. Society there naturally pushes people to contribute more and more.

Thanks to the isolation of suburbia, I’m not fully AMERICAn.

What does society in America tell its people? How do Americans treat each other? Not just the hello how are you nice weather today, but the actual systemic results?

BART… and I’m…

What does America think about anything that happens outside of America?

What do Americans think of anyone who has ideas about how the world could be?

Because fuck you, that’s why.

Ultimatums and Decrees (Sorcerer Of Certainty)

I’ve written a few posts singing the praises of anger. To me it the advantages it endows are abundantly clear; as the fundamental problem of all problems are distractions and confusions from the correct method, and anger gives effortless elimination of things which don’t matter relative to your desire, it can be said that anger is a fundamental solution. I do not think it is optimal, but its benefits should not be ignored simply because it may not be the best solution. Often, to solve any problem you need a number of different skills and resources each used correctly in harmony. Anger is one of those resources.

The original purpose was to create and illustrate a direct response to what seemed to be a straightforward simplistic claim by the convention: “being mad is bad, being rational is good.” This is a false statement first and foremost because it is a false dichotomy – one is generally infinitely more rational while emotional than not (I do not treat the average female’s toying with emotions as the real thing). Do you make better decisions when everything is on the line and you need to make the correct choice, or do you make better decisions when you can really afford to just stay in bed all day and not do anything? Emotions simulate the former situation. We experience reality through models, and when are models are there but reality is not, we treat reality the same way. If I act in my everyday life with the belief that everything could be fucked up by a disgraceful and dishonorable person if I don’t pay attention, I will act with the same precision that everyone else would use only in the most dire of situations. This makes me more efficient in two ways; one because I am more precise more of the time, and two because I have practice and they do not.

I was responding to the wrong thing. I missed the fundamental problem and solved something else.

The thing they don’t like is what anger entails: an ultimatum.

You are not allowed to be absolutely sure about anything.

Being able to lay down any definitions – whether they are accurate with reality is, again, not relevant at this time – is the greatest sin in this equalitist culture. You can never be “serious”. It is a feminine world; you can never believe in something until you consult with the committee of everybody. Which makes decisions based on…. the decisions of everybody… who each look to… everybody. Everybody is equal, and everybody is shit. Of course as reality and time waits for no one and things actually need to get done, inevitably decisions are going to be made. However, where a man outside of this culture would simply decide what he wanted and dealt with whatever came afterwards, those in this culture decide what they want and then bitch about whatever comes in their way.

“Confidence” is fine because you are “open to criticism”, which is simply a phrase for “You’re going to believe what I believe”. Look at any situation where people have disagreement, discuss, and then still end in disagreement. The person in question will first think “Finally, a dumbass who is willing to change his ways”, then if they failed in their task and then proceed to change their painting to instead say “Wow what a fucking waste of my time, closed minded asshole”. It’s as if they think reality is like school, where they are the teacher and everybody in the world are their students, just waiting to have information dumped on them. If the students are disobedient or insubordinate, one word or one pink slip sends them away, and suddenly you don’t have to deal with them anymore. Unless they come back and shoot up your school. In which case, it’s still somebody else dealing with the problem for you. This is still true on the other side of the analogy; if you are the average facebook user and you tell someone off, every last one of your friends will also tell the guy off for you. Or you can tell on them – “report” – to the admins, and they’ll ban them for you. And you can be all smug about how you didn’t have to do anything and the evil people got justice served to them, because everybody else is smug about it too.

“Arrogance” however is not acceptable, because you can’t do what everybody doesn’t like. In the frame of individual action, there is no meaningful difference between confidence and arrogance. Its difference arises from social disapproval. Leftists will call Obama confident; non-leftists will call Obama arrogant. The broader case was illustrated in the previous example; someone will be “confident” until they are confident that the other option is correct, at which point they become “arrogant” because they “don’t” listen. “Don’t” is a rather important term. If someone “didn’t” listen, it does not reflect on whether or not they are currently listening. These equalitists do not particularly care whether or not you did listen, but whether or not you are listening. If you listen/listened and change/changed your ways, you go from arrogant to confident. They claim to want you to just open your mind this once and make a decision afterwards, but they never actually want you to make a decision, because they could end up being wrong and if you tell them they’re wrong, well, that’s the apocalypse. This is all assuming the definition of “listening” as “agreeing”. To put it nicely, it is not a very accurate synonymism. To put it bluntly, it’s fucking stupid.

That’s what this whole anti-definitional culture is. Fucking stupid. It’s an extension of the nihilist “There is only one truth, and that truth is: there are no truths”, which has a patent obvious error that it actually posits a truth. It’s very appealing to the retarded masses though because it fits in exactly with their “freedom” idea and the “American dream” that “you can be anything you want”. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t judge me. You don’t know who I am. I’m still discovering myself. I’m finding my passion/calling. You don’t know that. You can’t know what the future is. How could you possibly say that tomorrow, or maybe the day afterwards, there won’t be a knight in shining armor coming to pick me up in his sports car and ride us off into the 50 Shades Of Sunset?

I’ll be that these protests are just about the usual crap. Government is not providing enough handouts to the people and is only helping rich people.

You don’t know that! You always label people! You have no idea what their values are! You’re just assuming that!

And?

My assumptions are right about you. I also assume the sky is blue; I am right about that too.

It matters not how much time I take. Whether it be five seconds from one instance to five years and a significant fraction of my life, this culture is against claiming any ground.

#1 Temper NA

I’m sorry that I’m confident about my reads on how good players are and what they can do. Oh wait. No I’m not.

It is definitionally impossible to be incorrect when you are correct; don’t let anyone fucking bullshit your way out of direct contradictions or you’ll never be able to start a train of thought. Homosexuals are NOT normal. Feminists are NOT feminine. Spending more money does NOT get you out of debt. Fucking up a country’s economy will NOT achieve peace. A culture centered around hype and procedurally manufacturing the next big thing over and over again does NOT create unique individuals each with self initiative for their own passions. Note that I don’t particularly care whether I make statements which are politically correct. This is because being correct has nothing to do with being politically correct. I am smarter than a fifth grader. I’m not about to question my level of intelligence with such a low bar.

I treat everything else in reality the same way. I know something, and I will act on it. If I don’t, I will learn something once, then I will act on it until I make a mistake, at which point I correct my error and continue to proceed.

Not abiding by this and not putting authority before reason turns your entire world into a high school girl gossip circle where at every turn you are looking for approval. There is no right or wrong there, no correct or incorrect. There is only what the group says. In this communistic attempt to get rid of and overthrow the king, the result is that everyone is slaves to the halation and the winds of time and change. This “enlightenment” has lowered us back to being animals. Do the great men focus all their energies on obtaining the latest designer clothes? Do those who succeed in creating history-changing inventions go for the most hypes shoes?  Phones, movies, concerts, “The Game”, this is the kind of shit the people cement as the foundations of their identity.

This “SWAG” is for sewer peons. Kings have something else, called “CLASS”.

CLASS is dictated by someone specific. SomeONE did something a particular way, and everyone else started doing it either because that guy did it or because he told people to do it. It does not matter that “You’re just following someone else” because in the end you are either following someone else or you are leading yourself, and when you are clear about which category you’re in for which action, you are much more likely to be respectful and mindful of each and have less of this imbecile “every child has his own potential” to “I’m fucking unique because I fucking bought the fucking iPhone5” spoon-fed society.

I hate the standard Plato Allegory of the Cave / Matrix thing because that’s really not the problem we have these day. The problem is not that people don’t want to be told they’re wrong, the problem is that people don’t want to think that they even might be wrong. Spoiled so far is this civilization from our parent generations and reality, it has been able to believe that it is possible to exist throughout all of reality questioning everything, except questioning themselves on whether or not it’s possible for them to be wrong. The concept of fallibility itself is incomprehensible to the entitled solipsist bitchism of today.

It is an inevitable result if you never lay down the law. Which law does NOT matter. Some feminists talk about how it is men who start wars, men who kill and murder, men who rape and men who thieve, therefore if we have women running the world all children will be loved and educated everybody will be fed and the world will be at peace. A fucking fantasy, because the average American teenager is basically free – they have cars, credit cards, aren’t under the dominion of their parents or anyone else for that matter – and the American teenage girl says not how to organize society for a better future, but how it’s fucking embaressing that she got a 16gb white iPhone instead of a 32gb black iPhone. Say that’s just a bad apple all you fucking want, it’s the fucking norm and the norm is normal. Saying the magazines on the cashier rack at the supermarket don’t matter and nobody actually reads them is a LIE because nothing is sold and widely circulated unless it is bought. IT IS TRUTH that most women are fucking retarded, and IT IS TRUTH that most people will vote for the worst possible reasons.

This is what your free world looks like. Welcome To America.

Was this how people acted in the unenlightened, old-fashioned, bigoted, racist, sexist, and intolerant recent past?

The thought that it could be better and it just needs change is inherently an exclusive one; you must necessarily send into oblivion those aspects which you think must not exist in whatever niche. This is a decision, an ultimatum for the near or forseeable future so long as you can maintain its existence, one which necessarily limits your options. Opportunity cost is a truth of reality, and those who acknowledge it and treat it as a solid concept progress towards their goals linearly, rather than in the haphazard and lost manner of those who think that they could do everything if just “given” the “chance”.

Men are not created equal. Women and men are not created equal. We were not born with absolute powers (“rights”).

NO ONE IS BORN FREE.

Well? What is it?

I… I want to ask you something about Honda. How did you feel about her?

Why do you ask?

Sh… She asked, me to…

How do I feel about her? Oh, geez.

You don’t think you’ve done anything wrong to her?

Wrong? Did I? It’s what she wanted, right? It’s not like I extorted her into doing anything.

B…but you were blackmailing her… with the m-movies.

What? She even told you about that? Shit.

I… I know everything that happened.

Well. I do it because I can, right? Is that a bad thing? If Honda doesn’t like it, she has to do something about it. After all, she’s in her situation because of choices she made. Of course, it’s not like there aren’t people whose decisions are made entirely by others, but those are very special cases, you understand. For everyone else, we have a series of options, and we choose out of them. Are you following me? If you can’t solve it on your own, you can ask someone else for help. But if there’ no one to ask, then it’s your fault for making those life choices.

But… you still… you still did some things that were wrong.

Hey, you shouldn’t speak like that. Even if you happen to be correct.

It’s a common habit in all kinds of worthless people to look for fault in others rather than oneself, whenever something goes wrong. The first thing that Honda should do, is to think of how to correct the things she did wrong, isn’t it? From there, she can come to me, and think of ways that I can correct myself. I’m an educator, you know? I think this is much more useful than any school lecture. But it’s up to you to get something out of it.

What? Are you one of those kids who says garbage like “Adults don’t understand me”, or “Nobody knows what it’s like to be me”? You can’t turn out to be so spoiled and rotten. If you think they don’t understand, then you have to give the effort to make them understand. Like what I just told you. You can’t just abandon the effort to explain, and blame the other person for not understanding, can you?

Here’s another thing. People who talk about “finding themselves” are also worthless. They’re just avoiding their current state, and finding escape in a nonexistent pretense. All there is, is what you want to do in your future, where you want to go, and what to do in order to achieve that, right? Right? What kind of you needs to be found? All the things that you’ve done are the sum of what makes you yourself. And if you can’t recognize your current state, then that’s a problem isn’t it?

If you’ve only done so much in your life and that’s all you can come up with, well, it just goes to show there’s no cure for stupidity.

– Honda’s teacher lecturing Kirie, Bokurano

You are nothing until you act, and action requires certainty.

Fiat was once treated as a power of the gods, now it’s treated as shit tier obviousness because everything has become simplified and computerized. But reality always collects debts people owe to it, and this civilization is continually paying at least minimal interest on its existence by ignoring the laws of biology and physics. Because reason is placed before authority and committee before decision, nothing is done anymore and anything aspired to is chaotic – a revolution, or a zombie apocalypse. Meanwhile, Fortuna retakes her place as master and because we refuse to realize we are not actually gods, we start “wondering” about why everything falls apart when we try and touch it. The names used in each particular instance doesn’t really matter, the universal rule is that no serious obstacle is taken seriously: Oh, politicians are just stupid. Muslims are just different. Those feminists are just extreme. Etc. etc. etc.

When you plant yourself and your flag down somewhere, anywhere, you suddenly need to defend it. You are now bound. No longer are things random and equal, it is possible to have selected something which has great pros in some directions and great cons in others. You can now gain and lose in a meaningful manner, and keep things with a sense of permanency and security. You begin to develop power, the ability to obtain what you want, and learn through the successes and failures of your endeavors. But this only happens once you have declared something as a truth.

Nothing exists before that. When you declare something as truth, you are literally creating a world.

Do you want to be right?

Do you want to become a god?

You know something when you are satisfied with what you know,
You believe something when you are satisfied with how you believe,
You have trust when you are satisfied with your pattern predictions,
You are saved when you are satisfied with doing no more,

You are always where you want to be,
And you are never where you cannot be.

The Golden Glow (Existence)

Today is my 20th birthday.

In these past two decades, I have done nothing.


We’re a culture, not a costume.


Chinese immigrants generally have a problem with the English language. One problem, the same one. It is their trouble with articles – “a”, and “the”. These do not exist in Chinese. While there are equivalents for “this”, “that”, “some”, and counting words, those two are missing. One cannot ask, for instance, someone for “the truth”. It is simply not possible. One can only ask for “truth”. “I want truth”. Robbing a bank? Can’t ask for “the” money. Working an ER? Can only say “Give me scalpel”. Lent your favorite story and want it back? You must name it. Otherwise, your only option is “I want my book back”. The same “problem” exists in Japanese.

My mom still has trouble with articles today, though she doesn’t see it as a problem. She’s told there are grammatical errors here and there in her writing, that she’s missing an a or a the. And she agrees, at least on what the issue is. While native English speakers think my mom’s writing is lacking something, she thinks that putting articles in is unnecessary. That when she wants something, it is sufficient to name the item.

That “I want a X” and “I want the X” are, meaningfully, the same thing.

I am Chinese, and I have raised myself on Japanese ideas. Though I have not tested this out, I believe you can take any and every of my posts, remove all articles, and reach the same meaning that I intended. Using language is an inherently artistic process for me. I was comfortable with Cantonese as a kid to say what I wanted and get what I needed, and though (after learning it) I’ve never had too trouble using English according to English standards, I’ve also never been comfortable with English. Even though in second grade I had no clue what was going on and by fifth grade I was top of the school, it has never been possible for me to believe I can just “say what I mean” in English. Because I don’t think in English. Not exactly. I’ve been getting better at communicating what I have in my head though, though that may be due largely in part to the many structures English allows while still resulting in mostly formal language.

“Form”al – there is a form. In everything. How you use forms in language structures how you think.

I try to create and reinforce an order.

But order is two parts. Just as there is no hero without both a performer and an audience, order too is not simply knowing what you want to do.

It is very hard to fail today. It is as if the world is trying to make me not fail. The language is everywhere. “Like” is every fifth word out of many peoples’ mouths, but they never finish the simile – X is like Y, but how? “You Know” is a favorite, and its express purpose is to not say what exactly it is that I “know” (“know” itself is a broken word). “That feel when” is this non-principle taken to the extreme. Feel, rather than Feeling. Whose feeling is unspecified. Which feeling is unspecified. Even – or perhaps, especially – in academia, we have phrases like “bring to bear” and “the milieu”. Bring what? The huh? Everything is murky, nothing is determined. It is perhaps perfect that people who use such language always resort to this non-argument in the end:

It Depends.

How would you know how I feel, you’ve never experienced X before, you don’t know the shit I’ve been through. Not All Woman Are Like X. Why do you train in such a regimented manner, if X happens to you on the street you’d be unprepared. Oh sure that’s true, but so could X and that’s why we need Y. In debate/logic this would be called the fallacy of “moving the goalposts” to the point of not having goalposts, with the implied fallacy of “false dichotomy”, where because you’re wrong or could be wrong, I’m right. Yes yes yes but we have to realize that reality does have some surprises for us and it may be more difficult FOR ME than YOU thought.

In correct English, this is called “Bullshit”.

I think I need not provide examples from all of society today to have it be clear that this noncommittal attitude towards reality is the universal in America. The best feel like they need to preface themselves on everything before saying anything. Everyone else just doesn’t reveal anything about themselves. Nothing meaningful is ever discussed. Anything that could be acted on is actively avoided. Permanency is not a concept that is conceived of – because after all, we have free will, and this is the Land of Opportunity, where at any time you can become anything you want without any effort on your part. Which is rather ironic, because this may perhaps be the least free society of all. When it is perceived to be so easy to stay in the good graces of all, any failures to toe the nearly nonexistent line reveals the true iron grip on each individual the mob has.

The problem is not that equalitism or name whatever you want is wrong. The problem is that they aren’t wrong.

Order requires the ability to be wrong.

There’s a very unique property about being wrong: when you are wrong, you have the opportunity to learn. Wrong itself is also a special property of something else – Positivity. Only people who are trying to do something can be wrong. If you are an honest person who is just bad at telling lies and everybody knows whatever you do is something you decided to put everything behind, everything you screw up on will be known to everyone. Regardless of what the response may be, you and all those around you know that it is you who failed to do something correctly. If you regularly make excuses for yourself or let other people make excuses for you, are someone who is flaky and whimsically changes (it is possible to masterfully change direction quickly) their mind, then nobody will ever blame you for anything. It was the X factor, they will say. Or the Y factor. You won’t blame yourself either. And if you don’t blame yourself, you can’t learn. But nobody wants to be wrong these days. Everyone and their Tuesdays with Morrie.

However, people still want to be right. Taking responsibility after all is the only way you can ever gain recognition. You do not gain recognition by being “not wrong”; everybody’s supposed to be not wrong. But being right? That’s something different entirely. One of the most annoying things in a classroom is when the professor puts up something for us to individually answer, some guy is all pondering about how his stuff could be the right answer, the answer is revealed, and then he said “Yes! I was right! I knew it!”

This is of course, completely false.

People who are anti-negative not only cannot be wrong, they also cannot be right.

You actually can’t just have the good half. It is fairly obvious to see; one does not require much intellect to see that people like this were actually not right. What were they doing before God came down from his Heaven and revealed the Truth? They were fucking guessing because they didn’t want to be wrong. It is perfect for them, really. With the victim mentality pervasive as it is, it is impossible to nail such people for getting the incorrect answer, and for not truly getting the correct answer. Plenty of people recognize that fakers like these are no true match for those who were confident for the duration of the question. What few recognize is that not actively condemning fakers is equivalent to saying they deserve the false recognition they receive. That these imbeciles which throw off responsibility when they could be crucified but hog all the recognition they can are welcome in your world, that these semi-ethereal ghosts out just to have fun are acceptable in your life.

It may be easy to convince people that such personalities are undesirable for a time, but they wouldn’t understand it, and they wouldn’t care because there’s no unifying principle (for them). Most people don’t think about the “bigger” the “more important” things and that’s fine, but they should be lead and want to be lead by those who do. Just as it is the pharmacist’s job to give people what they need and keep random people from screwing with the stores, so it is that it is a leader’s job to show people and make people do what is necessary for societal order.

Order requires action, and action requires leaders.

But there are no leaders today. Talk about leaders today, and people will point to some rock star holding a concert for starving children in Africa. Or to some politician extending student loans. Or, now, video game streamers saying that all donations they get in some timeframe will go to some other charity fundraiser. Gee. That’s just flippin fabulous ain’t it. Here is, by material wealth, the greatest nation that has ever existed, and the best and the whole of the greatest goodness this culture can achieve can be met by everyone with: “Oh, that’s nice.” Went and organized “community service”? Oh, that’s nice. Started a canned food drive? Oh, that’s nice. The other leaders we have these days are even more ridiculous. I saw a facebook page the other day sharing something. It was a page with a larger likebase, and he said he’d share the picture from the page with the smaller fanbase if the admin of the latter ejaculated on it. Guess what? He did. And the larger page shared it. This is what passes for leadership and honesty and honor these days.

Oh but it isn’t leadership. I forget. It’s all just for “fun”. The other shit too, especially music. “I Just Had Sex”? “Baby Baby Baby Oh”?

THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO BE SEEN?

This is not a culture.

The reason why the response has to be “Oh, that’s nice” is because there’s too many god damn leaders. Imagine for a moment, that there was only one guy doing “good things” in the world. You’d look up to him, no? If what that guy was doing was obviously beyond the reach of normal men and events, something you could only take a tiny part in, you’d want to be part of that. It would be an honor. Now imagine every man, his girlfriend and her cat were out helping the world. Imagine also that it was incredibly easy to do “good things”, and it would take an incredible amount of effort to do “wrong”. You’d have to see everyone as less than that one lone hero. You only have so much time and so much energy; it is impossible to devote to each and every person your undivided attention. At some point, long before it got to the cat, you’d be oversaturated. You wouldn’t be able to handle it. The best you’d be able to manage is a fake “Oh, that’s nice”. Not even a genuine feeling of gratitude cut short due to urgency in a separate matter. Just something to fill the intense and chaotic yet bland and senseless void.

Until you get criticized, like I’m doing right now.

Then everything’s crystal clear.

Because then, there’s always some fuckaround about how I’m doing X Y Z A B C. And you and everyone like you disappear back into the static.

But I’ve seen enough to know that they’re not magical beings with knowledge I don’t have. I believed it for the longest time because hey, I was indeed the outsider and people usually have reasons for doing what they’re doing. However, this society is the opposite – people always have reasons for not doing what they’re not doing. Both as a legal and a psychological defense, Americans meta themselves to infinity and beyond, thinking that at some level they will make enough people think they’re in over their heads that they’ll be free to simply run the same trick around again infinitely to both steal successes and avoid failures.

It’s a nice logic trick, really. I have to hand it to them. It’d never work where the world in culture’s eye was one where everyone needed to carry their own weight – even just socially. If you had to deal with people liking you or not liking you, for things you did or didn’t do, this would not happen. Whether you dealt with it by socking them in the face or talking with them or hell even walking away from them on the street, you had to deal with it. This sleight of mind could never be pulled on humans who needed every last member to do productive work for means of survival. You would either have to work or show that you are attempting to recover. Fakes and “Lazies” (I repeat myself) would be dumped real fast.

But it’s possible now because nobody holds anything anymore. In the freest minds of the freest society ever known, fate saves everyone from having to deal with undesirable issues. For successes one will always spend the most effort on appearing like much effort was spent. For failures one will always spend the most effort on finding someone to nail and nailing them in. For everything else – “Oh that’s nice” or “That’s offensive” – it’s just because the Great American Slob has not gotten around to it yet.

The American Dream was wrong.
There cannot be such thing as a nation of kings.

“It’s All Good” is another phrase which reveals a lot. I recently distilled into three words the ideal Japanese, Chinese, and American woman. In respective order, they are:

  • Honor, Discipline, Deference
  • Fidelity, Childraising, Housekeeping
  • Ass, Tits, Face

Rather than a discussion on which set is the best, everywhere I discussed it with people of America the first response was “My Ideal Woman: All of the above!“. If it is hard to imagine another response, it should not be. While my mom helped give me the Chinese ideal, her response when I told her the other two were that the American ideal probably exists because of blacks and the Japanese ideal was women as slaves. Whether these statements are true or not true is not particularly relevant to me at the moment; what is relevant is that this response existed. You wouldn’t know it if you asked mainstream kids, because they think they can just take everything. Oh that’s nice. Oh that’s nice too. Oh it’s all nice, I want it all! As if such things just magically came into existence on their own, that if you just wished hard enough for it, you too could have a dream wife walk to your doorstep the next day, marry you on sight, fuck your brains out 24/7 and still have enough time to cook you any meal you’d like instantly and provide you with all the money you could ever use and get a power high on.

Order had to fight to get to its position, and you think you in your highness and mightiness can just come down from your heaven and pick the prettiest peasant girl to take back to your castle? Or worse, the female version, where the smartest and greatest desires you and only you and will move heaven and earth to show their worthiness for entrance to your soul? These methods have been created through thousands and thousands of years, hundreds and hundreds of generations. There is a reason why all modern civilizations have had monarchy. There is a reason why all modern civilizations have been based on monogamy. There’s a reason why matriarchies have never gotten anywhere without the help of patriarchies. There’s a fucking reason why the Japanese ideal says Honor, Discipline, Deference rather than all 9 I have there. It’s because those are THE most important. It’s because to them, societal order is THE virtue. Not “function” of the Chinese, or “sex” of the Americans. “Feel good” doesn’t mean jack shit, and this little example proves it. I ask Americans once, they say ass tits face. This in and of itself is not a “bad” answer; it is organized by something rather clear. Whether or not it is a good organizer is a different matter. But I show them the results afterwards, they do not respond with any thought to the other ideals. It’s “all good”, or in other words, they smacked down the other ideals – “that’s nice”. “You’re good, good enough for me to take with no attachment, good enough for me to wipe my ass with. But not good enough for me to respect.”

Everything’s just “nice”.

Imagine your mother or your lover in a burning flipped over car crushed between a rock wall and an 18 wheeler.

Do you see the difference?

People don’t know how to think or how to act unless there’s somebody on top and some idea to organize it “All”. Everything, from dedication to anger, from dissatisfaction to adoration, none of these can even begin to exist until something or/and/thus someone marches up to the plate to pull the fucking sword out of the stone. Forget everything about offensive or inoffensive, correct or incorrect, none of that matters unless you have an organizing principle, and that principle doesn’t exist until you throw it into the fire to see if it burns.

Reason does not come first.

Authority comes first.

【Chizuru】「What would Mitsurugi do by replacing me?」

【Takeru】「Bring everyone back together.」

【Chizuru】「That’d just make the chain of command fall apart.」

【Takeru】「Eh? …sorry for the amateur opinion here, but wouldn’t it work the other way around? Didn’t it actually fall apart because she didn’t take your place?」

【Chizuru】「No. It fell apart because a soldier didn’t obey her superior’s orders.」

【Takeru】「I’m not so sure…didn’t it fall apart because there was something wrong with the order you gave?」

【Chizuru】「We don’t know if it’s wrong until afterward. Besides, that’s not what we’re talking about. The problem is whether or not the soldiers obey their orders in the first place.」

【Takeru】「Class Rep, are you trying to say that soldiers should obey their superiors’ orders even if they know they’re wrong?」

【Chizuru】「That’s right.」

【Takeru】「……are you…feeling okay?」

【Chizuru】「Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying anything about the orders I gave. I’m only talking about the right to give orders.」

【Takeru】「Hey now… okay, if you give me an order saying that this table is red, does that make it red!?」

【Chizuru】「Yes.」

【Takeru】「Y-you actually said it…」

【Chizuru】「Soldiers who don’t obey orders expose not just themselves but their entire squad to danger, possibly even their entire army.」

【Takeru】「Wait a minute. Isn’t it more dangerous to obey a bad order?」

【Chizuru】「Stop thinking you can judge the commander’s orders. You really aren’t getting this at all.」

【Takeru】「Well soooorry.」

【Chizuru】「Commanders are given a lot more information to make decisions with than the individual soldiers. Their orders have to reflect the best interests of the whole squad.」

【Takeru】「……」

【Chizuru】「Do you think a soldier with far less information can make a better decision than her commander?」

【Takeru】「To me, it feels like… thinking you can make a better decision just because you have more info is the real problem.」

【Chizuru】「Orders are absolute. You are in no position to ask whether they’re right or wrong.」

【Takeru】「That’s a dangerous way of thinking…」

【Chizuru】「What? What’s dangerous about it?」

【Takeru】「So if you were literally ordered to die…would you do it?」

【Chizuru】「I would.」

【Takeru】「──!?」

Hey now, you’ve gotta be kidding me. How far is Class Rep going to take this?

【Takeru】「Are you guys really okay with all of this?」

【Meiya】「…I have no problem with it.」

【Takeru】「Huuuh?」

【Meiya】「In principle and ideal, what Sakaki said is correct, albeit a little extreme. However, your response to it is no less extreme.」

【Takeru】「Do you really mean that?」

【Meiya】「Then I shall ask you this. Have you ever once obeyed your father?」

【Takeru】「Huh? Of course I have.」

【Meiya】「Why did you obey him? Did he have some kind of power over you?」

【Takeru】「No way! You just have to do what dad says, what more is there to it?」

…ah.

【Meiya】「It seems you understand now. This is no different. If you disobeyed your father, what would happen to your family? Think about it.」

【Takeru】「Y-you’ve got a point there…」

That is the nature of law and order. Since there is no absolute justice in this world, someone has to make decisions. Because those decisions are necessary, we cannot determine whether they are right.

– Meiya Mitsurugi, Muv-Luv Unlimited

I do not think of myself as intelligent. Every day, I see more people doing amazing things I couldn’t imagine, write about ideas I’ve never thought about, I learn my place.

But it doesn’t exist enough. I know an order should exist but it doesn’t. I want it to exist but no one is taking it. The only authority today which exists for us “independent” young men and women is the mob of the social media – which tells us, we don’t need order. It’s okay, because we are all Sovereigns. I don’t believe it. Some are better than others; we take this for granted in everything except social ordering. I simply take it granted for that one more, one last thing.

I am seeking it. I believe everyone is. Everyone wants “a place to belong”. I have always doubted that simply getting married to some woman and living alone with one other person doing nothing but snuggling and fixing up the house is enough. For better or worse, I am now never going to believe in such a fantasy. A society and a culture an order a structure explicit is what I desire.

And I will create my own, so long as I do not find a better one.

If I’m wrong, I learn things hard until I do get it right. If I’m right, it was fate. I never have an “I told you so moment”. It would be redundant for me to say “I told you so”.

I said at the beginning you could probably remove all the articles and reach the same meaning. You can remove all references to I and Me as well. What I do discuss, I think everyone should do. I won’t tell you you should. I prefer making you want to do it yourself. I desire a world where “I” in the discussion of order is as unnecessary as “a” and “the”. A and The specifies any singular and the true particular. In order, they are the same. Me and I specify the self.

In order, they are not what’s important.

I hope you will find that what’s written on this blog supports this claim.

Thank you for your continued audience.

The fool who persists in his folly will become wise. / The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

– William Blake

Welcome to Fight Club.

The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!

Third rule of Fight Club: someone yells “stop!”, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over.

Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight.

Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas.

Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes.

Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to.

And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.

– Tyler Durden, Fight Club

My Kind of Woman (Ideals)

I’ve read it multiple times in differing iterations throughout the manosphere, and I thought I should add my own: The description of my ideal woman.

Though, to be honest, it kind of confuses me why such a thing needs to be said. Having essentially raised myself purely on anime, there’s always seemed to be a definition for what the ideal woman is. Sure, there are minor variations for each person – but you know what you’re “supposed” to like. I don’t really care what your favorite food is, I’ll guarantee you it’s made with precision and has no stray flies or bloody thumbs in it. If you have a favorite car, it’s going to have four wheels and a frame and no structural parts made out of plastic. There are certain standards that “simply exist”.

Lost is really the first time I’ve seen American culture. You may say what you like, but as a semi-outsider, I find it very clear that “Kate” takes the position of the ideal American woman – she is given plenty of screentime, the main man doesn’t have any real relationship with any other female, and there is no competition.

And she’s a bitch. No other word. Just, “Bitch”.

To be sure, none of the women in Lost are attractive in their personalities, but they’re all about the same anyways.

The big one is Kate, and Kate is a bitch. She has no principles at all, except perhaps “Aha, I’m not what you think I am!”, which is the definition of not a principle. So full of shit. She doesn’t trade a kiss to save a life. Her best guess at someone’s motives is that they want to be hated. When she wants something she opens up with the demand, rather than offering something or even giving the general politeness remarks first. When someone is taking things dead seriously she laughs and jokes around. When she is not needed and cannot do anything, she butts in. When she is needed and must be doing something, she is paralyzed by… what?

I’ve been constantly asking my friends who like Lost to give me a good reason to continue, and they just say ignore Kate. Ignore Kate? She’s the fucking love interest. Am I supposed to fall in love with this excuse for a woman? All she’s ever good for is legs. Every other time she’s standing there being useless and having emotions, or being counterproductive in one or another manner. Oh, I’ll learn about her backstory and then empathize with her, they say. Backstory doesn’t change anything. I don’t know what Americans pass for character development, but flashing between real time and backstory is not “development”, it is “contrast”. And when all you have for an explanation on why this character is doing really shitty and really stupid things is that “it will be explained” even though I’m over halfway through the first season, it is called

Bad Writing.

Everything in a story happens for a reason, it’s not like reality where things can actually happen by accident. There’s always the possibility of a writer writing in accidents fairly regularly, but that doesn’t negate the principle. Kate is a bitch, and the writers continue writing her in such a way. It is not “going to be explained”, it is as it is. I am too dumb to fool, I don’t care why it happens if it happens. It is not a mistake, it is intentional. And the intention is to deliver the message,

“The Ideal American Woman Does Not Exist, Because Ideals Do Not Exist”.

(For women. They clearly have an ideal for men, but I’ll talk about that another time. Or maybe I won’t. I already have a good idea on what I’m working towards.)

And it explains a lot. It explains why, whenever I ask anyone what the ideal American woman is, they give me sexual descriptions. Ass, tits, and legs they say. Maybe tanned skin. Maybe hourglass shape. But inevitably they end up by saying that the face and personality are up to the individuals. As if suddenly, there are actually no patterns and no trends. There are people who like cottage cheese but we can say hourglass is ideal, yet when some people like horse and potato faces, slutty and infantile personalities, we can’t say anything? Fingers and flies or dented bumpers instantly disqualify any food or any car from being ideal in their respective category.

Am I to believe that there are no such disqualifiers for a woman?

Am I to describe absolutely every detail from blank canvas up… only to meet the criticism that I “expect too much”?

I don’t think so. My description of an ideal woman will not be a description of traits, but rather, a story. It is an excerpt, a scene from the most beautiful story I have ever read, and it is the world of the most ideal woman I could ever imagine. I choose a story not because it’s “easy” and I don’t have to do “work”, but because it is a complete picture. What a description gives you is a set of pieces – but no glue to hold it together, and if you wrote it a certain way, no discernible way to put it together correctly either. It can be glued together in ridiculous ways and thrown back at you for not giving a blueprint or for having bad pieces. Some will argue semantics and people did it just to spite you. My question would be one word: “And?” And so what if they did it to spite you? It was your fault for not building it for them, and while it is not ever possible to make everyone agree, you made the decision to give them the pieces rather than the completed picture.

My ideal woman is not just a set of pieces. There is an order to it.

I do not simply think it is my taste, I believe it should be the taste.

It would not be an understatement that this one fictional girl single-handedly gave me the first tangible focus in my life. Honor – or as I usually call it, Discipline.

Here‘s something to look at if you need a visual. Standard ideal physical looks, again with some tweaks and flairs here and there. Obvious stuff. If it’s not, I really can’t help you.


The following contains major spoilers for the visual novel Muv-Luv Alternative.


The setting: An alternate history, an alternate world.

1944 ends World War 2. Nukes were dropped not on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but on Berlin. Japan does not become a republic or a democracy; it retains its emperor and shogunate. The 1950s see join space exploration between US and Europe. The mars exploration craft “Viking 1” in 1958 is lost on encountering life. Technology takes a different path. With the focus on space construction and exploration, powered exoskeleton techology is a main focus.

The plan called “Alternative” begins as an attempt to communicate with the alien life forms. It fails.

1967, aliens first arrive on the moon. The geological exploration which engages first encounter is never heard of again. “Alternative II”, a plan to capture the aliens for study, results in the death of many and failed to reveal anything except that the life forms are also based on carbon, and that there are very few similarities between the different kinds of aliens. Russia begins the planning phase of Alternative III. 1970, the first mechanized infantry is deployed on Luna to fight the aliens, now dubbed BETA, for Beings of Extra Terrestrial origin and Adversary of the human race. 1972, NATO reorganizes under the realization that war with the BETA was becoming a reality.

April 19th, 1973, the BETA launch a massive projectile from the moon. The trajectory of it being well into Chinese and Russian territory, NATO has no say in the matter.

The “Kashgar Hive” lands on Earth. All forces start retreating from Luna.

Initial fighting against the BETA is approximately even. The BETA do not appear to be very bright, but make up for it in sheer numbers. However, when the first “Laser-class” appear and deny humans of airborne weaponry and units, battles turn into slaughter. The BETA advance across Asia and toward Europe, establishing new hives at seemingly random intervals.

July 6th, 1974, a second Hive lands in Canada. America times the landing of multiple nukes with it. The hive is destroyed, and Canada becomes largely irradiated. In the same year, America releases the first “Tactical Surface Fighter” based on existing powered exoskeleton technology. The piloted bipedal robot is named the F-4 Phantom. While initially disastrous, these TSFs begin to take their place as the mainstay of mankind’s forces against the BETA. This allows the Russians to execute Alternative III – the use of psychics in an attempt to understand the BETA. However, the psychics themselves could only read at close range, and entering hives was necessary to use their powers. The survival rate was 6%. All attempts at communication failed. The one reading that did get through, whenever it was read, was that the BETA did not see mankind as a form of life. Alternative III is discontinued.

In 1995, Alternative IV begins. In 1996, Alternative V begins as a backup. In 2001, the world population is 1 billion; afterwards the number is kept as a secret known only to the top levels.

Even by lowering the military age to 12 and the drafting of women, there are more TSFs than available pilots. Most military members are now female.

Despite the massive improvements to TSF technology, making them more akin to fighter planes than tanks, the average survival time of a pilot in their first battle is 8 minutes.

All major engagements are won by the BETA. Russia occupies Alaska. The French reside in Canada. Mainland Europe is gone, only Britain remains.

Our main character, Takeru, is from our world. Through some mysterious cause he woke up in this world. His school is a military base, and many of his classmates are cadets. Or were – they are now top level pilots. Many things are different. There are no videogames; the vast majority of the time is spent in the simulator or doing physical training. The games they have are simple and rudimentary, including only traditional board games, marbles, and cat’s cradle. Their families are far away, and it is a wasteland outside of the base. One day, he wakes up, and has gone back to the beginning. He spent three years in this world, and found himself where he was, Day 1 – except now, he has the body of the soldier he had trained out of his formerly sedentary high school student self… only he can’t exactly remember everything. He knows something needs to be done because something failed last time, and he’s determined to do what needs to be done, this time.

Only one person knows, and that person is the head of the base and of Alternative IV.

This scene occurs some time  after a training scenario abort, where BETA show up seemingly out of nowhere and kill many who were armed only with nonlethal weaponry.

Takeru has just returned from the med bay, being treated for PTSD.

This is a visual novel, which is a common game genre in Japan. The top part of the screen is a static background and sprites, usually only torso and up. The sprites change for different facial emotions, but in general do not move. The bottom half is text, which you read. Each scene has background music which loops. There are few choices. Sometimes, there are special scenes where it is not sprite and background, but a complete static image. There are some changes I have made to the translation; some things don’t make sense to the average english reader as they stood.

I won’t list all the changes in facial expressions, but there is one important scene change, and that is the one I will note.


【Voice】「Takeru… have you returned?」

… Meiya?

【Takeru】「…yeah…it’s open…」

<Meiya enters Takeru’s room>

【Meiya】「…I apologize for coming at such an hour.」

【Takeru】「…no…it’s fine…what is it?」

【Meiya】「Yes…I went to check on you a number of times…but I felt you would be back by now…」

…you came to see me while I was being questioned, and while I was out…?

…that just hurts.

…I’m not worth…having you do something like that.

I’m not worth your concern…not after letting the resolve you and Her Highness gave me wither…

【Meiya】「Your questioning seems to have taken some time…is your body all right?」

【Takeru】「Yeah, I’m fine…」

【Meiya】「I see… that is good to hear.」

That huge difference…it’s painful.

Even during the trial…you came to your senses right away after the BETA appeared…analyzed the situation…made a rational decision…

And…entrusted everyone else with the mission…in order to go back and save me…

Meiya did…what I couldn’t do…Something I couldn’t do despite years of being a real soldier in the previous world…

【Takeru】「…」

【Meiya】「…I am quite relieved.」

eh?

【Meiya】「I worried you might not be in command of your senses… forgive me.」

【Takeru】「…that’s because…they gave me hypnotic therapy and anti-depressants.」

【Meiya】「That is enough for now…as long as it keeps you calm.」

【Takeru】「…」

【Meiya】「You were quite awful earlier…」

【Takeru】「What? …you came here to lecture me…?」

【Meiya】「No…that is not my intent.」

【Meiya】「I need not say anything…for you must feel the guilt stronger than any of us…」

【Takeru】「…」

【Meiya】「And by now, you are likely weary of having all of the others tell you much the same thing.」

【Takeru】「…yeah, that’s true.」

…you really are amazing. Even in this situation, you can still think that much about someone else…

But you’re being too optimistic about how I feel…You’re completely overestimating me…

【Meiya】「Would you mind talking a little?」

【Takeru】「…eh?」

【Meiya】「Far too much has happened today…and I cannot sleep…」

…that’s also like you…to be indirectly considerate like that…helping me when I should be helping you.

【Takeru】「Yeah…go for it…」

【Takeru】「I can’t sleep either…and I wanted someone to talk to.」

【Meiya】「I see…」

I could sleep if I took the medicine…But…I don’t…want that…3 pills I think it was.

I don’t like the feeling…of knowing I’m sad, but just watching it calmly from far away…

【Meiya】「Still, I am truly relieved…whatever the reason, it is good for you to be calm now…」

【Takeru】「I’m not…that important…」

【Meiya】「What are you saying?…you are the center of our group…」

【Takeru】「…」

【Meiya】「If you waver, we all become more uneasy. You are very important at times like these…」

What the hell…are you saying I can’t act unsure about anything…?

【Takeru】「I’m really glad you value me so highly…but I’m…not like that. …The others…don’t think like that.」

【Meiya】「…that is not true. You are misjudging your worth.」

【Takeru】「…no I’m not. …it’s true.」

I’ve been doing everything for my own reasons…if you think about my motives, I have no right to be respected so much…

I made someone else remove that old lady from her home at Mt. Tengen, and I couldn’t give Her Highness that medicine…that’s who I am…

【Meiya】「I do not care how you choose to value yourself, but the fact remains that everything you have accomplished thus far has made everyone see you that way.」

【Takeru】「…」

【Meiya】「You have gained that position as a direct result. You have a duty and responsibility to fulfill that trust.」

I know that…of course I know that…Even I…wanted to do that.

Seeing how you and your sister thought and felt during the coup d’etat impacted me…made me want to do the same.

But…I can’t do…what you and Her Highness can…I’m nowhere near as noble as you two…

【Takeru】「I didn’t do it…in order to make them have faith in me…」

【Meiya】「But the result is the same. They all expect great things of you.」

【Takeru】「Then…does that mean…I don’t have any personal freedom to feel what I want?」

【Meiya】「Yes. In the extreme case, that is exactly right.」

【Takeru】「…」

【Meiya】「I believe you should be free to feel what you want… …however, you should always consider the effect your statements and demeanor will have on those around you.」

Then, because you’re so noble…you’re hiding your pain and talking to me this way out of consideration for me…?

Is that what you’re saying…?

【Meiya】「That is…the duty of those with unparalleled natural talent like yours.」

【Takeru】「…」

I’m…not like that. You guys only think that…because I’ve done all this before.

Even the ideas for that OS…all came from a video game someone in my world made…all I did was bring them into this world.

I have no…natural talent…you only think that…because I’m pretending I do!!

【Meiya】「But…even ones in such a position may fail. And such failures can be forgiven.」

【Takeru】「…」

【Meiya】「The value of successes and failures changes greatly depending on when they are judged. You need only connect your failures to greater successes later on.」

【Meiya】「If anything, the ability to turn failures into successes may be the most necessary trait for persons in such a position.」

【Takeru】「…turn failures into successes.」

【Meiya】「That is right…you simply need to perform better next time.」

【Takeru】「Do better next time…? That’s a lot less uplifting than your usual advice…」

【Meiya】「I see…forgive me.」

【Takeru】「Is there a next time…on the battlefield? If you die, that’s it…」

【Meiya】「……」

【Takeru】「You know that from what happened today…so what’s the difference between me and everyone who died?」

Whether I have a great duty, or know the future in advance, when I die, I die.

【Takeru】「Marimo-chan won’t have a next time! And that’s…my fault!」

【Takeru】「If I hadn’t stayed there feeling sad…if I hadn’t gone nuts…when the BETA appeared…Marimo-chan wouldn’t have died…」

【Meiya】「All that you were able to do at that time produced that result. Sgt. Jinguuji’s death is not for you to bear.」

【Takeru】「Then…why――WHY DID MARIMO-CHAN DIE!?」

【Takeru】「I was in the same place, sitting there being sad…so why am I alive, and Marimo-chan isn’t when she was working so hard for our next time?」

【Meiya】「…there is no reason. To be blunt…it was fate.」

【Takeru】「What…?」

Did you say…fate? It was Marimo-chan’s destiny to die like that…!?

【Takeru】「……」

This really is…wrong after all… This world is…screwed up…

I thought Meiya was okay, but now even she’s starting to say crazy things……

【Meiya】「But you survived. …thus, you have a next time.」

【Meiya】「Whether you lose an arm or a leg, if you still live, then you can fight. Those who still have breath in their lungs should do all they can for those without a second chance.」

【Meiya】「Everyone…can sacrifice their lives for their respective duties because they believe in humanity’s victory.」

【Meiya】「Achieving their wishes is the duty of those of us left alive. That is what I think.」

【Takeru】「…」

【Meiya】「…」

【Takeru】「You really are noble…」

【Meiya】「……」

【Takeru】「But your logic…used a different way…means we have to just put up with losing our very identities in order to fight.」

【Meiya】「…」

【Takeru】「Getting drugged, having your head played with through hypnosis…being unable to cry even though I should be sad…are you saying that’s all natural!?」

【Takeru】「Then why did you sympathize with those rebels!?」

【Meiya】「…」

【Takeru】「Shouldn’t the citizens have to put up with oppression if it means winning the war with the BETA!?」

【Takeru】「You’re contradicting yourself! Don’t force that kind of nonsense on me!!」

【Takeru】「You――」

【Meiya】「――Cease your whining!」

――!?

【Meiya】「You freely chose to be here and do what it takes to fight. Do not confuse yourself with those civilians who never had a choice!」

【Takeru】「――What…did you…!?」

【Meiya】「――Did you not make it quite clear to me that you want to protect the Earth and all of humanity!?」

【Meiya】「My reason is quite ordinary…I want to protect something.」

【Takeru】「…I see. Mind if I ask…what exactly?」

【Meiya】「…this planet…the people of this country…and Japan as a nation.」

【Takeru】「I see…」

…I learned what ‘country’ really means to her…during that incident at the volcano…

【Meiya】「Shirogane, do you have something you want to protect?」

【Takeru】「…hm? Yeah.」

【Meiya】「May I ask what?」

【Takeru】「Earth and humanity.」

【Meiya】「…after we started feeling inferior during basic training… …and during that meal in the PX…you said unequivocally that you would save humanity, in order to cheer us up.」

【Takeru】「……」

【Meiya】「Did you not throw away your draft exemption to come here of your own free will!?」

…you don’t know a damn thing about me! …that draft exemption shit was all something Yuuko-sensei made up!

【Takeru】「No!…I didn’t…I never wanted to come to this world!」

【Meiya】「Stop it! This is unbearable!」

【Takeru】「That’s enough! I’m sick of you and your noble logic! GET THE HELL OUT!!」

【Meiya】「……」

【Takeru】「……」

【Meiya】「……」

【Takeru】「Please…just leave…」

【Meiya】「……」

【Takeru】「……」

【Meiya】「…such an unfortunate……」

【Takeru】「――Don’t pity me!」

【Meiya】「Who would pity you…?」

【Takeru】「What did you say……?」

【Meiya】「Sgt. Jinguuji was the unfortunate one! …if you remain like this…then her death will be forever wasted…」

――!?

【Takeru】「――How dare youuu!!」

【Meiya】「――!」

<Meiya is pinned to the bed. Over Takeru’s next several lines, her clothes get ripped off>
【Takeru】「――What the hell do you know!? You don’t know a damn thing about me!!」

【Takeru】「――You don’t know a damn thing about Marimo-chan!」

【Meiya】「……!」

【Takeru】「――I’ve been torn away from Sumika――From everything I ever cared about!!」

【Takeru】「――Then I got forced into the military!!――Into a life with no freedom whatsoever!!」

【Meiya】「…uu……」

【Takeru】「――Who the hell do you think would willingly come to a place like this!?」

【Meiya】「……」

【Takeru】「――I’m not like you! You’re here because you want to be, but I’m――!!」

――!?

…no…Meiya was…sent here…as a hostage…

【Meiya】「……」

She was torn away from her old life…and forced into the military…with no freedom of her own…

【Meiya】「……」

She’s…the same……

【Meiya】「…are you…finished?」

【Takeru】「…why…won’t you resist?」

【Meiya】「……」

【Takeru】「…why are you…letting me have my way with you!?」

【Meiya】「……」

【Takeru】「DON’T YOU CARE WHETHER I GO ALL THE WAY AND RAPE YOU!!?」

【Meiya】「…I care not.」

……eh…?

【Meiya】「If I could be of any consolation…if such a thing would satisfy you, then do as much as you like…」

……wh-…what the hell are you…?

Why can you say something like that…?

You don’t…you don’t really…wanna be here either, do you――!?

【Meiya】「If having your way with me…would ease your pain at all…」

――Stop it!

【Meiya】「…then…I do not mind…」

――Don’t make me feel even more pathetic!!

【Takeru】「…shut up…」

【Meiya】「……if it would heal your wounds…even the slightest bit…then you may…as many times as you like――」

【Takeru】「――Shut up!!」

【Meiya】「…so…please…Takeru…」

Ah…ah……

【Meiya】「……please…overcome…this…」


The rape didn’t happen. Takeru felt too pathetic and ran off. I can’t blame him.

I keep reading commentaries on how American media have lowered the image of men by showing them as subservient to women. Their daughters use them as ATMs and pout like children when they don’t get what they want (even if they’re 22), and daddy is expected or is forced one way or another by the writers to give up and make up to what the culture here holds up as the god of all gods: woman. Their girlfriends must be the sole object of their desire (Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey). Their mothers told them what to do and what not to do when they were kids. Their wives are their bosses, directing and controlling everything.

I don’t have too much problem with this depiction. Though a caricature, it is fairly accurate. Men today bow to women everywhere, and they might as well because most men today are disgusting. I do not particularly think this is the correct place of men; men are required to keep everything from falling apart and degenerating into worse than shit. But that is a direction and not a position. “Men have Divine Right” only describes only what needs to be done. It does not counter or conflict with what is, and what is is emasculated men grovelling to serve womens’ every ridiculous whim.

But what if they weren’t whims? What if she herself had principles? What if the signs she gave men were not simply to find out how much she could fuck with them, but for actual tangible ends? What if those ends directly build to becoming a Man, and she picked her actions for that exact purpose? What if she held her tongue, did what needed to be done (do NOT read: “did her best”), and acted with discipline and grace, everywhere? What if she were more woman than you man?

What if you got told off by a woman like this?

What if every woman were like this? What if your actions could lead to such a world?

Red Pills (vs Ockham’s Razor)

I cannot take “the red pill”, and I will not dispense “the red pill”.

The term originated in The Matrix, where it was given as a choice to discover a way out of (title), a vast fake virtual reality system designed by machines to have dominion over men. People who are told about it laugh it off, and some even defend the system’s legitimacy. Many activists use this metaphor for their many ideas because it is easy and hip to talk about their pet idea as something which will overthrow “the” system and grant freedom and greatness to all who desire it.

The fact that it is given to somebody who is currently in The Matrix means, clearly, that it cannot work on someone who has never been in The Matrix.

English was not my first language. I spoke Cantonese everywhere straight through second grade, spoke Cantonese and English interchangeably in third, and had occasions through fifth grade where I’d want to communicate to someone but ended up saying it in chinese and then have to repeat myself, embarrassingly, in English. I’d say random things without thinking. Once I called for a teacher by saying “Mommy”. I asked a friend while in line for the water fountain, “Why is that girl so fat?”. A teacher once said that someone was transferring over and they had a disability and asked for all of us to not talk about it, and I talked about it. I didn’t like the music the others liked. Couldn’t watch the shows; didn’t have cable TV. Didn’t join any clubs, parents wanted me to go to class and come home. No allowance. Some of this may seem smart in retrospect, but at the time they prevented me from seeing any of my fellow students as friends.

And thus, I have never had anything to relate to, “fake”, “meaningless”, “real” or otherwise. No identity, no world. Just wandering. (Up until recently, but the principle discussed still holds.) People have told me things, and I have gone “oh okay” or “no I don’t think so”. No real emotional attachment. I’d be disappointed sometimes when I found out I was wrong and would have to correct a larger-than-usual amount of things, maybe frustrated at myself for not seeing it until that point in time, but that was that.

I deal with things mainly in this “cold” and “calculating” way, but it seems a non-insignificant portion of people like to deal with it in “red pills”. We need to FIGHT the system, they say. It is OPPRESSIVE they say. OVERTHROW it,  WAKE UP and SPREAD THE TRUTH and whatever. I do not know how it is for those who have grown up in a Matrix-like environment, but I see little point in emphasizing things in such a manner. When you are discussing with someone your or their ideas, show the facts, point out what you disagree with, learn what you can, say thank you and be done with it. Repeat, if they would like. But none of this online hundred comments on forums, blogs, and videos doing back-and-forthing motivated by this obvious desire to beat the other guy into submission. They think they’re engaging in some kind of battle where each commands their divine entity “ideas” to fight the other, but it’s really just people yelling at each other.

If anything, red pilling seems to reliably screw up higher probabilities of low gains in favor lower probabilities of high gains. Those who actually just talk about why they think what they think are very stable, even if they just end up repeating themselves and their posts or lectures are like doing another math problem in the same lesson of the textbook. If their ideas spread, it is because the ideas are actually applicable and appealing to many people. Contrast this to the red pill method, which explicitly aims to change as many minds as fast as it cans, and in any way it can. It is the viral marketing and almost literal selling of ideas – you too can have enlightenment, if you can admit “to yourself” for a moment that all you’ve ever known is a lie.

It is said that for every YouTube and Yahoo there are a hundred other different guys who tried the venture capital route and didn’t make it. I believe this is true for the red pilling of ideas. Tons of people talking about their crazy idea out there. Why do you believe you’re going to be The One, again?

There’s also the problem of creating enemies. “Self-Help” style doesn’t really do much. “Red Pilling” is, quite literally, picking a fight. It explains to a large degree why many ideas and communities even exist (the manosphere can be seen as a reaction to the red pilling of feminism, resurgent belief in race to red pilling of equalitism, etc.).

I have taken the red pill red pills more times than I can count, but it has not really worked out for me. Everything from atheism to anarchism, insert random conspiracy theory here to environmentalism has used this formula and each time I end up bored and feeling I have wasted more time than necessary. Yes, the things I learned in there are definitely things I wouldn’t have found from the mainstream. No, it did not need to be packaged with the encouragement to throw myself into the time and energy hole that is arguing with people who don’t care and aren’t interested. If anything I want to get away as far as possible from people who just randomly start talking to me about how this or that is true, because I quickly realize that these guys are pretty crazy. Most people who I’ve met who explore ideas agree. It seems to follow a pattern:

[The Red Pill of some idea] was important once, because it was new and, relative to my worldview at the time, significantly different. I went ahead and read up on older literature, followed up on more modern speakers and writers. Sometimes, I even began participating in it myself. But before too long it seems, it was gone again. It was just something else I had experienced. I might have thought of it as interesting, other times I ended up disagreeing and disgusted. It may even truly have been a red pill for me, and I changed my beliefs and way of life since learning what they had to say. But, since I did not become an activist, do not particularly talk about it except maybe as a memory which seems to fade into oblivion and back again every so often, I did not become part of the Movement. On a whim, I might go back and read up on some of the new things my old favorite blogger started writing about, or my old favorite YouTuber started making videos about. But all in all, it was simply something else that came to pass. I took what I needed, ignored what I didn’t, and moved on.

So, in the interests of actually discussing truth, not making a bajillion enemies, nor being a casualty statistic shoved back into oblivion after being a posterboy for some thing, I’m not doing it.

Getting linked by both Jack Donovan and then Rational Male, both people I highly respect, had me considering changing things up. The amount of pageviews I used to get in two weeks, now in a single day? WOO TIME TO GET FAMOUS POST MORE USE BUZZWORDS GET VIEWS But nope. Can’t do it, and don’t want to do it. My favorite people, both online and offline, didn’t get to where they were by stuffing me full of pastel colored drugs. Imitate the masters; gonna take a long and steady road instead.

I’m all for intensity and doing things balls to the wall, but this red pilling position is a death trap that is as-if designed specifically for my type.

I’m not gonna nail myself to selling some idea. Jesus Christ how horrifying.

Happy 200th post, blog!

(Note to future self: Original “planned” post literally took all day. Couldn’t finish, too much of a headache. Then rewrote in 90 mins because da razor be 2 stronk herp derp derp. See if you can find which parts are copypasta’d.)