You know, I’ve been planning on this post for a while. Since almost immediately after Year Two, I had a plan. It’s hit a couple of iterations, some longer and some shorter. Some of it I think I’ve written before, but can’t find for whatever reason – maybe I didn’t write it at all? I did end up writing over three hours and essentially a full length post today (~1800 words) but couldn’t finish and the theme became a little too erratic. It’s irony on two counts. First, the one I thought I wrote I apparently didn’t, and the one I am currently claiming to have written won’t have public evidence that I did.
And the other, that I was going to say meaning does not exist in reality but only in writing, yet the more I wrote the more the meaning got lost.
Saying less really does have its advantages. Humans automatically fill it in with their own meaning to some extent, not because it happens to be nice and paints a better picture, but because it’s required. How do you even begin to comprehend words without connecting it to older patterns and experiences?
Well, I guess there’s a third irony too. I ended up having another interesting chain of events that no “reasonable” person would say was expected or what you should do.
Because I had happened worked ahead and because I had happened to be changed by White Album 2, I didn’t do any homework or play videogames today. Because of that, I browsed 4chan more than normal. Because I browsed /a/ I happened to come upon a large thread, that happened to say that a familiar old manga was going to get an anime adaptation. Because I read that I went back to look for the files, and happened to find that they no longer existed. Because I re-obtained them I felt the need to re-read them, and each page beckoned me to the next.
Because I finished the whole story again tonight, I happened upon this monologue I once loved but had forgotten.
Which happens to comment on what I wanted to write about to begin with.
I’ve been thinking…. why did I come to this world?
Once I answered one question, another came up. There are countless questions…
I searched for the beginning and end, walking around aimlessly.
But no matter where I go, the result will be the same.
Maybe I should have stopped in the middle.
Even if I find the final answer, All I can say is
“Oh, I see.”