Absence (Journey)

This blog will be less active for a while.

As much as I like to imagine being good at everything I have a nonzero desire to do, I simply do not have the time to write this blog as regularly as I did last summer. I’m actually not sure how I managed to be somewhat regular throughout the school year last year, but I cannot manage it this year. Scheduling is something I’ve never been much a fan of, but after missing a couple of major events this weekend due to poor planning ahead, I have done an overview of a regular day by hours. From 24,

20.5 due to lectures
17 due to homework, studying, or EIT prep
15.5 due to cycling
14.0 because I take a long time to wake up
13 for various possible commuting times
5 due to sleep
4 for japanese
~3 for margin (cooking, bathroom, showering)

That leaves about three hours to distribute between video games, reading, looking up forms to fill out, and writing up this blog. Given the type of things I like to write about, it’s really not much time at all. I am also thinking less and less about honor, order, discipline, faith, and their various secondary concepts – and when you think less about something, naturally you also have less to say about it.

“Am” thinking less – hopefully this will change. It is January of my third year in college, and for all intents and purposes an engineering student must get an internship of some sort in the next two months. During the past week I came to the realization I am nowhere near where the advertised image/path of the college student is, and was very inefficient with my time. I have no recommendations, nobody I can ask it from, and little experience to talk about. Few people I know to talk to, and even then, I do not know what to say. Seeing those with “experience”, even those who’ve been doing “undergraduate research” since day one of their freshman year, get nowhere, does not brighten the scene at all. For all the praise and glory people throw at the university system, the actions the students actually take seem to amount to nothing more than begging.

The previous entry was my dad’s response. He mentioned a lot of other details too: doctorates do the same thing if there’s no openings in their line of work, he only got his job now because somebody found his resume at the unemployment board, people actually used to mail out physical resumes in letters to random companies and literally go door to door and talk with receptionists. There really is no reason to complain: a way of thinking was discovered to be wrong and it happened to be yours, are you going to change now? As soon as I get into the routine of spending half an hour, or an hour a day using Google or whatever site to look up places to jam my resume into, my mind will be more in order to use in more interesting ways. I will not “get over” the idea that this is begging, but I don’t need to. If sending out resumes is “begging”, then writing a public blog is “soapboxing”. If I can find the latter acceptable, surely it is not difficult to justify the former.

I will attempt to do what I can. I’ve gotten better at doing more things in less time, mainly because I’ve started thinking of time in a different manner. Many people are familiar with the “5 more minutes” reason to not get out of bed; I am familiar with a “15 more minutes” reason to do any activity I like. This has led me to actually round everything up in large quantities – 12:40 is 1:00, 7:13 is 7:30, and so on. While this certainly has some uses, it does not help much at all when it’s your only way of organizing time. You start throwing out and ignoring all the little things, “washing the dishes will take up half an hour” or “vacuuming is going to take an hour”, which outside of screwing up your life because you don’t weed things out when you can, also keeps you on nonproductive fun things for longer. “Oh, I can play this for 15 more minutes… that’s how long it’d take me to do dishes anyways, and everyone knows dishes doesn’t take long”. Do that four times and suddenly you could’ve been at lecture, or finished half your homework, or read a decent chuck of a good book. I’ve been illustrating that to myself recently through trial and error, and have been able to do surprisingly more things in a day. Once I figure out the differences in time structure and its principles, I will write a post on it.

I cannot shirk time away from studying for EIT, and after last quarter when I got effectively straight A’s (I have always been B/B-) I can’t stop doing homework either. A friend wanted to learn a language with me and I said yes. Cycling in specific, or physical exertion in general, has too many benefits to list. And, well, I like video games. Out-positioning and out-thinking others in a spatial manner is something I love doing. While it cannot replace writing, in the crude scale of utilitarian joy, it is reliably higher by far.

The winds have changed both their direction and intensity, and with them the temper of the waters and this ship’s ability to be a frequent of this port.

May fortune allow the good times to come once more.



One thought on “Absence (Journey)

  1. Pingback: Year Two: The Dream vs The Game | All Else Is Halation

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